I like blogs with beautiful pictures and working jobs untouched by corporate soulessness.

i wonder how much happier I would be working for owners who opened their own dream cafe and who were there all the time. all of these people with their non traditional jobs or own businesses who are making it in life, make me wonder what my goals are when i leave school. makes me wonder how much i really believe you need that boring nine-to-five to survive. or for me to feel comfortable financially. i'm not even thinking of supporting a family, but maybe one day I will want little cute drooling loud babies at my house, of the human variety. right now I'm just sad I have to give up candace. i probably won't find a home for her and that just sucks so much for her.

maybe I'll post on craigslist again. who knows if that will help.

Tami told me tonight that she told her kids not to look for a life partner; she said that it makes you lower your standards. which is often true. she says if it's meant to be, it will happen. which I actually believe. people like my coworker d, he's not in any sort of position to have a girlfriend. he's too unhappy with his life. and he wants one so badly.

so maybe I'm okay with waiting. and baking a little more. and getting more tattoos. I've been thinking about taking more pictures, maybe eventually looking into photography as a hobby. I made sunflower earrings and grape earrings last night. the former ones especially didn't turn out that great, but I'm learning. I have a tendency to WAY OBSESS over something and then never do it, and I'm glad that isn't the case with these earrings, because they are super fun and easy to make. I need to start sewing again. I found all of this amazing fabric online, and I hope I can find somewhere here that sells good fabric, because there are some things you just don't want to buy on the internet. making stuff just requires a sudden bout of inspiration. my next projects are gonna be to make one of my sarongs into a handkerchief skirt, sew up the tiny orange dress/sun sarong questionable item into a skirt, and hopefully, at some point, make a dress. I cannot buy most commericially made dresses because they just do not sell size 11 dresses with 34DDD cups. (I hope the boob measurement does not significantly increase the traffic on this site... jesus.)

in conclusion, I am moving out in exactly two weeks (panic!), and I have had a good summer. it's been mostly full of making money, spending money, getting over L (with a low degree of success, but I'm feeling pretty good about it now), changing my food habits, taking spinning class irregularly, juicing, being lonely, having trivia/Not Grey's nights, fabulous nights at Mo's aunt's condo, getting to bond with another soul hippie sister, sweet kitties named Candace who just need a hippie mama to love on them, and learning that I manage quite well on my own.

So my housemates think that they are either pregnant or HIV positive, fairly seriously. They are having mucho bad scares right now. It sort of puts my whole damn-I-am-not-getting-any thing into perspective.

I have also decided that it is high time for me to stop looking on the interwebs for two things: windows into other people's lives because I'm not doing anything interesting with mine at the moment, and girlfriends. Right now, to use a Buffy analogy, I need to bake some more as me, sans another person. It's okay if that time is short. I am just going to try to use this as an experience to come more into my own. I've been in a relationship the majority of the time I've been at college (only for a month was I single and uninterested in anyone else), so maybe now would be a good time to firmly establish my friendships and have a little more introspection with myself, without anyone else. It might be interesting to note, though, that I feel I have changed less with this breakup than any others, but that might just be time talking. I guess maybe I feel like I haven't been as constrained into being the same person throughout the duration of the relationship? I dunno. I'm rambling. I want to go to spin class or smoke. I shouldn't have eaten those four Oreos with frosting, fer sure, but the kale and apple juice was a good choice when I got home tonight at ten.

I am looking forward to many experiences this year, but no matter how helpful I might feel, I hope procuring my housemate an abortion is not one of them.

Yesterday night, I decided I was no longer in love with L.

Today, driving to work, I had this bizarre conviction that we were, at some point, going to get back together, in some form. At this point, I'm going to chalk that up to the fact that Amanda talked about L glaring at her (supposedly) while she was drinking coffee outside, and that we might actually be friends someday. I'm not a good ex, but I think I don't want her totally out of my life forever. Just for now.

I really would like a lady in my life. If you couldn't tell.