Interesting time reviewing my former literary attempts on Mom and Dad's old computer tonight. Underneath all of that morbid overdramatic brainwashed life-or-death bullshit, I saw real potential. Not, oh goddess, the new feminist literary genius! but something real. One of my later poems was really interesting, and even some of my earlier melodrama had the makings of something groovy, if caught in incestuous self-mutilation. (Any wonder I was so depressed?)

This is fortuitous timing, considering I was thinking back on a concept I wrote about in high school. It's straightforward (haha), the premise being simply what it would be like to be persecuted for being straight rather than gay. Just to let the breeders dip their toes a little deeper into our pond. I thought about the reasoning behind that (the world is immensely overpopulated, and the government had decreed some sort of halt on all breeding except government-sanctified attempts--a little borrowing from The Handmaiden and my dirty hippie environmentalist on that acccount), and why that would fuel people's prejudices much like the religious reasons; a blind hatred of something the fictional gays felt would destroy them. Just something I'm thinking about. It could be this really cool, organic piece, or regurgitated preaching. Who knows! (p.s. to nobody who reads this: I am aware this is intellectual property and if you should somehow make money off it I will of course claim it as my own, for I am a poor college student with a working knowledge of the law.)

I'm also thinking of meditation, working on my chi. For reasons that were brought up as I searched through my old folders on the computer today, I have Deep Issues with the concept of chi, but hopefully simplifying it to just that will be good for my sanity. Just Meditation. Self.

Mom and Dad are coming back home in a few minutes, and I have sucessfully cleaned the entire mess I have made since arriving. I don't know why I am in this sudden funk of not cleaning up after myself, but God help the grime when people come to visit. I will laze about in filth for days and weeks, but the second I know someone is coming (and especially when they actually are present in my living space) I become an unstoppable cleaning freak. The nasty dishes and resulting stains from banana peels and strawberries were scrubbed away as I chatted to Ashley.

Must learn how to channel this passion in the absence of company.